Gather round, people, and listen to one of Aesop's classic fables. This one's called The Miller, The Son, and the Donkey, embellished a little by yours truly.

Once upon a time there was an elderly miller and his son. The son was a strong, healthy young man who often helped his old father at working the mill. One day, the miller and his son decided to take a donkey that they had raised, and sell it in town. So, the two men walked down the road, the donkey following behind.

They passed a group of people who looked at the trio, and shook their heads. "What a waste of a donkey!," they sneered. "One of you could at least ride it!"

So the old miller offered his son the chance to ride the donkey, and he did. After a bit more travel, they encountered another group of people. "Shame on you! A big strong lad like yourself, riding a donkey while your tired old father has to walk! Shame!" they shouted.

So, ashamed, the son dismounted, and put his father on the donkey instead. They continued on. They met more people. "What kind of father are you, making your child walk?", they snapped. So, ashamed, the father decided to let the son get on as well. They continued on, both of them now riding the donkey.

They met a group of protesters from PETA, who stopped their harrassing of a helpless milkmaid to turn their wrath on the miller and his son. "You men are abusing that animal!" they shrieked. "Animals have feelings too! And are those shoes...leather!?!?!".

So guilt-stricken were the two men (for lo, they were at heart, a pair of suckers), that they decided to carry the donkey themselves, bearing it on their shoulders! Yes, the donkey was now in effect riding the two men.

A group of gamers who were waiting in line for convention registration saw this spectacle and, since they were bored out of their skulls from waiting, were therefore easily amused. When they saw the donkey riding the men, they howled with laughter. Unfortunately, the noise spooked the donkey, who twitched, flailed, and slipped out of the men's grips.

Guess they picked the wrong time to be crossing a bridge over a raging river.

The donkey drowned, and that was that.

The moral is: Those who seek to please everybody end up pleasing nobody.

So...what's the point of this fable? Is this a blog entry about how to handle jackasses? No, it's because the miller's situation is the sort of thing that can happen if you have a gaming group composed of people with varying tastes, and they all want their suggestions implemented. Some gamers want high-fantasy, where the noble epic heroes explore the magical forest of Zinfandel in search of the Golden Codpiece of Protection, before facing the Dread Lord Sorehead and his plans to overrun the peaceful kingdom of Freedonia. Others want low fantasy, aiding Boss Scumbag and his All-Whore Assassins in breaking into the treasure vaults of the Duke of Earl. Some want no role-playing, just a constant beat-down of an endless series of enemies, while others want to know what their motivation is for buying a head of lettuce from a local merchant, and insist on role-playing every little detail.

And those are just the meta-topics. Go into details, and it gets worse:

"No elves! They're too fruity!"
"Put in elves! They're magical and other-worldly!"
"Halflings are supposed to be roly-poly, and with hairy feet!"
"No! Halflings are half-sized people with lots of attitude, and their women are total babes, as seen on covers of the Dragon during the days of 3.5!"
"I want lots o'treasure! We need rewards for our risks!"
"Don't put in too much treasure! It starts to become ho-hum."
"Dragons rule! You can never have too many of them! That's why the game's called Dungeons and DRAGONS!"
"Dragons? They're cliche! Put in something else as the main baddie, like a possessed flumph!"
"Take a shower! You smell!"
"Don't shower so much. Your soapy smell makes me feel inadequate!"

Now, any DM worth is or her salt will try to incorporate people's likes and dislikes, but eventually you have to draw the line somewhere. The problem is, you can't incorporate everyone's ideas. And the problem with THAT is, if you don't, some people may get ticked off. Especially those people who say "Now, this is just my opinion", but in fact really mean "This is my opinion, and I expect you to go along with it." When you don't, well, that's when trouble starts.

That's why I eventually adopted this philosophy: "This is my campaign, and this is the way I run things. While I don't mind being corrected if I'm doing something wrong, I will not be changing my running style just to suit individual tastes, because everyone's tastes are different. So rather than incorporating everyone's suggestions, I'll incorporate none of them."

Harsh, perhaps, but it ends arguments. That way, you're not favoring anyone. The following is an actual exchange I had, not quite verbatim but pretty close, as it made quite an impression on me. One gamer of mine had come up with a list of things she thought I should change. We're not talking here about rulings and such, we're talking tone, content, DM style, etc. One she presented the list, my reaction went like this:

ME: Well, this is the way I do things. It's always worked for me, and it's what I'm familiar with. People come to my games because this is what they expect from me, and so it all works out. I will not change what I'm doing and/or how I do it. If this doesn't sit well with you, then perhaps my game and way of doing things simply isn't for you, and maybe you'd be happier in someone else's game.

HER: (Shocked) Are you actually saying "It's my way or the highway!"?????

ME: Well, I wouldn't put it so harshly but if you're backing me into a corner, then yes, that's pretty much the gist of it.

HER: (Wide-eyed shocked intake of breath, followed by just plain outraged look)

And personally, I think every DM should do this. Each DM has his or her own style. It's incumbent upon the players to adapt to the DM's style, not vice versa.

That doesn't mean that my campaigns are Experiments In Fascism. There's many times when I ask for suggestions, like "Hey guys, what kind of adventure/goal haven't we done in a while, that you'd like to see featured in our next campaign?". Stuff like that. I think DMs should ask for ideas and suggestions of things to do....and maybe even ask stuff like "What things have you enjoyed more, and what things do you find yourself wishing to see less of?"

So, like so much of the rest of life, DMing (and I daresay, GOOD DMing) involves a balancing act. You have to stay true to your style, but try and do stuff that your players will enjoy. That way, there's plenty of enjoyment to go around on both sides of the screen.

Tags: DM Fascist Donkey Aesop Fable

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