I played my first game of D&D 4e last night. It was the first time I’ve been a player in any game for a long time, since I’ve been wearing the GM hat for so long. I have absolutely no desire to run this system at this time, but thought it might be fun to play with some friends who are running it. There was some fun to be had, but it was largely tainted by a few things that I believe should be brought up as gaming laws, in which offenders should be pressed.
1. Significant others who are not, in fact, gaming with the group should be left tied to the bedpost in your bedroom securely and the door locked. They certainly should not be allowed a spot at the gaming table at all. And I state this without regard or bias in gender. I certainly don’t mind being tied to my lady’s bedpost if I am not gaming with her group, just as long as the gaming isn’t delaying my “rescue” too terribly long.
I’m not going to someone’s house to play a game so that I can play kissy-face or engage in giggly foreplay. I don’t want to have to watch it either. This smacks of a “Hey, Look Who I’m Screwing!” sort of mentality.
And I don’t really care about any kind of ignorant, flowery speeches about “new love”, and how it’s “got to show itself” from either party involved. It’s not “new love”, you morons; it’s pheromones, hormones and chemical reactions gone haywire. Just get it over with and get married and have a kid already. That way it all dies down fast.
2. Enough with the Monty Python, already. It was funny when they did it, when you do it, not so much.
3. Also enough with turning every name of every person, place or thing in the game that comes up into a sexual innuendo, you tards. Beavis and Butthead were cooler than you, did it better, and their show is dead now. Just let it lie.
4. We’re playing in the present, don’t waste valuable gaming time by reliving the glory days of some other character in some other game. Play the character you have right now, and make some glory days to relive in some other game.
5. Do your best not to be an attention-hogging ass-hat. There are other people playing this game with you. Your character is not the lone hero of the saga, everyone else’s characters are not supporting characters. Your character should be able to work with a group; if you aren’t able to make one that can, you probably shouldn’t be at the gaming table in the first place.
6. Don’t make me as a player have to become an attention-hogging ass-hat, because I will if you can’t pull together as a group. A party of lone wolves doesn’t end up getting the game moving anywhere. It’s boring as hell to GM for, so why in hell would I want to play in a game like that?
7. GMs! Don’t let everyone make a bunch of lone wolf characters in the first place, give them some common background and reason to work together if they can’t do it themselves. Kill all of their characters the first time they all make lone wolves with no interest in anything but themselves. If they persist in doing this, kill them again. Repeat as necessary until you either have some folks who can make a group of characters that can work together as a team or you find yourself searching for a new group of players. Chances are good that’s what you really needed in the first place.
Tags: Gaming Annoyances Irritation
